Archive

Dr Martens League Premier Division 2002-03

Season 02/03

Reports 02/03

1/4/03 Hastings United (1) 1 Havant & Waterlooville (1) 1

EASTERN DIVISION A STEP CLOSER

Simmonds 38 (p)
Att: 318


(Click to enlarge)

(Click to enlarge)

Macca in the thick of it (Click to enlarge)

Simmo levels from the spot (Click to enlarge)

Stuart goes in regardless (Click to enlarge)

Tremendous save from Dave (Click to enlarge)

Sorry to start off on such a pessimistic note but I just can't see United getting out of the pit they find themselves just that little bit more embedded in after yet another failed attempt to end a sequence of results that is so bad that not even Tony Cosens who's been associated with Pilot Field football for 40 odd years can remember such a bad run. We have now won once in our last 25 games and how anybody can expect and hope for United to somehow win at least 5 of the 7 games left to stay up is surely optimism of the wild, wild, wild variety. Old timers amongst you will recall Dean White and Garry Wilson pulling off big escape acts back in 93/94 and 96/97 - George Wakeling and Mike Flanagan need to conjure up a miracle if we are to be still a Premier Division outfit next August.

This particular game was a pretty nondescript affair in which United played some decent football for around 20 first half minutes - and sure enough - having played some good stuff they promptly went a goal down on 36 minutes. Even though Simmo quickly got the U's back on terms from the penalty spot a couple of minutes later, the boost of that goal didn't fire the lads up as a paltry attendance might've hoped. United had kicked off on a pitch that had had a good soaking without Tony Burt (reasons unknown) against a Havant outfit that would hopefully be completely engrossed with their forthcoming FA Trophy semi final against Tamworth.

The best of the early exchanges saw Macca off on a surging run to the edge of the box where Landry seemed to get in his way and Macca's pass to Simmo who was unmarked and poised to go on into the area, was intercepted and booted clear. Havant looked a decent side who knocked the ball about well but the U's looked capable of matching them. Rudds was to set Flanners up for a yellow card with a suicide pass that was grabbed by an opposing player who was then up ended by Adam. The resulting booking came as no surprise though some of referee Gosling's other decisions were to puzzle spectators throughout.

Havant's first threat on goal was via a free kick on the edge of the box and credit to King Dave for a superb one handed save from a deflected shot that he tipped onto the post before the ball was hammered clear. Great save Dave. That seemed to inspire United and they produced their best spell of the game and something resembling pressure on the Havant goal. A corner saw Landry shoot wide - then another corner resulted in Simmo trying one of those first time volleys from way out - spectacular when they go in - horrendous when they fly out of the ground. Macca had a great chance on 20 minutes when Simmo put Yatesie away and it might just've been that the resulting cross flew through the area to an unmarked Duncan too quickly and his effort was over the bar. Simmo put Rob Collins away but the keeper was quick off his line - and a Macca effort that the keeper fumbled was cleared away before anyone could capitalise. Spectacular stuff from Landry on 35 minutes when he tried a bicycle kick - but he was off target.

And a minute later United were behind. A low cross from the right evaded Dave and a Havant striker who was put off enough by Stuart Playford - but the 7 hammered home with the ball deflected just inside the post off Dave. With Dave having been a tad unlucky it was the Havant keeper's turn a couple of minutes later when with Simmo having been tripped just inside the box (confirmed by the video) - Simmo's resulting spot kick was nearly kept out. So, all square at half time - and Hinckley and Crawley were also 1-1 at half time.

It was to all get more difficult early in the second half. Seconds after Simmo had blasted a Collins pass high and wide, Havant broke away and Flanners got a second yellow for shirt pulling. No disputing it from the players and a resigned air set in amongst supporters. Yet it was United who threatened next - Landry latched onto a poor pass and broke into the area but having beaten one player he knocked the ball too far and a promising situation evaporated. A fine cross from Simmo was just palmed away by the keeper with Macca poised at the far post - but he was deemed to have pushed the defender in front of him.

United's remaining decent efforts on goal came from new boy Ahmet Suleymanoglu who having been put clear after a good combo between Landry and Macca was hugely unlucky to see his shot cannon off the post and away. A Macca effort from way out was a yard or so wide and Ahmet was to see another diagonal shot go wide. Havant could well have added to their tally - fine defending by Nick Hegley saw a shot deflected into the side netting while United were to survive a hectic spell of 6 yard box ping pong when Havant seemed certain to score.

The ten men had tried hard but when that final whistle went I don't think anybody disputed that 1-1 was about right. And the depression got - er more depressing - when Ceefax told me at 10.00 that Hinckley had beaten Crawley 3-1 and that with 7 games left, we are six points adrift.

TUESDAY RESULTS

  • Cambridge City 2 v 1 Welling United
  • Hastings United 1 v 1 Havant & Waterlooville
  • Hinckley United 3 v 1 Crawley Town
  • Ilkeston Town 1 v 0 Newport County
  • Tiverton Town 3 v 0 Weymouth

BOTTOM EIGHT

15    Hinckley United     36  43
16    Grantham Town       35  42
17    Weymouth            36  42
18    Hednesford Town     34  41
--------------------------------
19    Halesowen Town      36  38
20    Hastings United     35  35
21    Ilkeston Town       35  26
22    Folkestone Invicta  36  24

So frustrating. If we were just plain crap and getting mullahed week in and week out it would almost be better - you could resign yourself to another poor result in the knowledge that the team was out of it's depth and just not good enough for this standard of football. But look at that never ending run that now goes back five months - five months in which we've won one game and failed to keep a clean sheet - that's 25 games and yet - YET - for all that, how many of those games have United been plain poor and well beaten by superior opposition? Nothing like the number of games such a sequence suggests. Eastbourne, Tamworth and Ilkeston saw the team perform badly and deservedly get beaten - what about the other 22 games? Yeah - ups and downs like any other outfit - but rank shite performances? Not many if you look back.

It's not just us. Ilkeston have been at the bottom all season yet actually played bloody well in the opening 20 odd minutes at The Pilot Field and thoroughly deserved to beat us at their place where - despite their miserable season - they got stuck into us and got three points. We've seen the team play some decent football on plenty of occasions - to my dying day I'll never understand how we ended up with an aggregate of 2-7 from the recent games against Welling and Newport County.

What the atmosphere must be like in the dressing room I can't begin to think. Confidence levels must be at all time low and you could almost feel the boys groan when - as in so many other games - having had a decent 20 minute spell against Havant - they went behind.

So much of what we are going through is self inflicted it has to be said. Someone from Chelmsford made the very valid observation on the official site's forum some time ago that the team they have now bears no resemblance to the one that got them up less than two years ago. We carried on (a la 92/93) with the same side that got us up - got carried away with a good opening two and a half months - and have been found out ever since. And once the bad run started and a small squad got even more decimated for the usual reasons then the other ingredients of a side down on it's luck crept in and we simply haven't been able to play our way out of it.

Interesting observation in the Argus recently - someone high up at Eastbourne saying that if they did go up then they'd need at least three players - and that's an Eastbourne side that is doing in the Eastern Division exactly what we did last season. And if they do go up - I bet they get those players! All in stark contrast to what we did - Ellis Remy was the only signing and views on that signing are well known and don't need repeating here.

TAKE IT ON THE CHIN

Of course - piss taking is inevitable and there will be people next door, along the coast at Eastbourne and in West Sussex laughing their bollocks off at our very likely return to whence we came under a year ago. Well - these things happen - there are plenty of occasions when the boot's been on the other foot as we have a laugh at someone else's expense - and those times will undoubtedly come again. But for now we've just got to take it ourselves. Things might be a little quieter from Priory Lane after their defeat at Dorchester on Tuesday night which makes the Eastern Division a lot tighter - but expect more piss taking.

And shrug your shoulders. It's football.

MOOR GREEN

That's who we've got on Saturday. We know what we have to do - as to other games of interest to us:-

  • Chippenham- Hednesford
  • Folkestone-Ilkeston
  • Grantham-Tiverton
  • Halesowen-Hinckley
  • Weymouth-Welling

Folkestone could be put out of their misery on Saturday if results go certain ways - they can only get 42 points if they win all their games. We can get 50 if we win 5 of the 7 games we've got to play (scoff snigger sob) - and that's what the widely accepted benchmark has been all season. Hednesford are right in the mire now - but have a couple of games in hand on us for start - and they play one of those Monday night when they're at home to Crawley.

SS

5/4/03 Hastings United (0) 3 Moor Green (0) 1

NOT BEFORE TIME!

Zahana-Oni 62, Simmonds 74, Suleymanoglu 83
Att: 407


Ere we go again, 0-1 (Click to enlarge)

Keeper deals with a Macca free kick (Click to enlarge)

Keeper never moved, 1-1 (Click to enlarge)

Moor Green rush to help Joel up (Click to enlarge)

More U's pressure (Click to enlarge)

Burtie up at a corner (Click to enlarge)

Yeah - dead right. Having seen the likes of Welling and Newport County leave The Pilot Field in recent weeks with all the points after substantial periods of being comprehensively outplayed, long suffering U's supporters were at long last rewarded with the result that a fine performance deserved. 100% - a must win game - no two things about it, United with one lousy win in 25 games, no wins in 14, HAD to win this one to be in with a chance of clawing back that six point deficit at the basement end of the table. And they did everything right with that crucial difference - they got something for all their effort and creativity with one Duncan McArthur outstanding - doing what he does best. He had a tremendous game.

Be sure about it - United deserved this result after so many disappointments. And they had to do it the hard way as they found themselves a goal down after 54 minutes - "Here we bleedin' go again" everyone must have thought when Rob Elmes outjumped Adam Flanagan to head home from what I think may have been Moor Green's first corner of the game.

United had started off well and were applying lots of early pressure on the Moor Green goal. Only 2 minutes gone when a half cleared corner was volleyed straight back in by Macca with the keeper unable to hold onto it. The ball was scrambled away for a corner swiftly followed by another. On 9 minutes a long clearance out of defence saw the Moor Green keeper out of his area heading the ball straight up into the air - Danny Simmonds laid it back to Landry Zahana-Oni who's resulting shot hit the post before being cleared. Landry was to have a decent game it has to be said - your correspondent has not been impressed in recent weeks but Landry got his act together for this one. He passed across the area to Steve Yates on 22 minutes but good defending saw Yatesie's shot blocked.

Moor Greens' only serious effort on goal of the first half came soon after when King Dave - his 100th game for the club by the way - blocked a good shot by Jamie Petty who - reverting to defensive duties on 35 minutes - did well to head off the line a Tony Burt header that looked destined for the top right hand corner. Right on half time, Landry saw an effort curl wide of the post - and as the half time whistle went with the score 0-0, heads were shaking amongst supporters at the lack of a breakthrough.

The second 45 started off with a tremendous cross field pass from Macca that saw Yatesie into the area where - once again - his shot was charged down. Then came what could so easily have been the defining moment of the game when Moor Green went ahead. United heads could have gone down with that blow - yet another reversal - but they just got on with it and went in search of an equaliser after weathering a mini storm as Moor Green threatened to score again from another corner.

Nick Hegley was replaced by Ahmet Suleymanoglu and United deservedly equalised on 62 minutes when a free kick was headed back by Flanners to Landry who buried his header past a statuesque keeper. Ahmet set Rob Collins up soon afterwards - but as defenders and keeper closed Rob down, he scooped his shot over the bar and was replaced minutes later by Joel Bevis.

74 minutes - Joel down the United left passed back to Landry who put in a spot on cross field pass to the unmarked Steve Yates on the far side of the area - Yatesie broke quickly and squared the ball back for Simmo to volley United ahead - and in so doing saw United score two goals in a game for the first time since the Rocky Horror Hinckley Show back in January (14 winless games since that shambles had seen the U's score one goal every game with the exception of the blank at Bath City). Moor Green's Jae Martin went close to levelling with a turn and shot that wasn't far over Dave's crossbar - but the points were made safe on 83 minutes when Simmo lobbed forward for Ahmet to control and run on into the box - being closely monitored by two defenders always forcing him away from goal - but, somehow, he still managed to do the ultimate nutmeg by shooting past Adam Rachel for United's third. Great individual effort.

Time for controversy on 90 minutes when Moor Green's Robinson was sent off after a touchline fracas with Joel - and quite how Declon Chinedy didn't go as well after shoving and trampling on Joel will always be a mystery. Joel was rightly booked for his part in the incident which raised another issue which'll be looked at a little later.

Well done United. To manage to keep playing decent football in such a desperate situation is a huge credit to the players - and at long last they got tangible reward for a decent display. So hard to believe that a relegation battle is going on at The Pilot Field after seeing a side lying 8th in the table be so comprehensively beaten. And the battle still goes on.

OTHER RESULTS COULD'VE GONE BETTER!

Not bleedin' much..............

  • Cambridge 1-0 Worcester
  • Chelmsford 0-1 Dover
  • Chippenham 1-3 Hednesford
  • Grantham 0-2 Tiverton
  • Halesowen 2-1 Hinckley
  • Weymouth 2-1 Welling

Bottom eight @ 5.00 pm Saturday

  15    Chelmsford          35  44 (-3)  Ilkeston away Tuesday
  16    Hednesford          35  44 (-4)  Crawley home Monday
  17    Hinckley            37  43 (-5)  no game this coming week
  18    Grantham            36  42 (-9)  Bath away Saturday
  --------------------------------
  19    Halesowen           37  41 (-11) Welling away Saturday
  20    HUFC                36  38 (-10)
  21    Ilkeston            36  29 (-39)
  22    Folkestone          37  24 (-42) R

Well - yeah you can moan about other results not going our way. Having desperately wanted Hinckley to lose at home to Crawley last Tuesday, we desperately needed them to beat Halesowen yesterday - and just like bloody Crawley did us no favours on Tuesday, so, er, Hinckley did us sod all yesterday. Hednesford winning at Chippenham didn't do us any good either while Weymouth's win over Welling sees them out of the bottom eight once again.

BUT - Grantham seem to be on a slide again and we - instead of being six points adrift - are now four adrift and still have a game in hand on Halesowen and on Hinckley. And we use the game in hand up on Hinckley next Saturday when Chippenham are in Hastings. There are a lot of nervous people looking over their shoulders right now - Welling's defeat at Weymouth sees them not far away from the bottom again while Chelmsford's home defeat at the hands of Dover sees them back in the mire (ish) again. And where do we go Monday week? Chelmsford City..........

Ilkeston are getting some good results together - probably too late - but if they keep it up against City on Tuesday then that'll get things boiling up a bit more. Ilkeston's win at Folkestone (first away win of the season) sees Invicta relegated by the way.

Whatever - while we need to rely on other sides doing us favours - we need to keep up yesterday's good work by beating Chippenham who seem to be stuttering a bit of late. It was at their place back in November that we last kept a clean sheet - 26 games ago.

TACTICS - PLAYERS

Interesting moves by George when he replaced Heggers. I honestly believe Nick's overall game has taken a big bashing with the defensive side of the role he's had to play as a left wing back. Everyone knows it's a square peg in a round hole - and it really does look that a very good attacking player has been largely wasted because of having to concentrate on the defensive aspects of his role. It can't have done Nick's confidence any good either. You just don't have the time in the Premier that you do in the Eastern - and that, incidentally - is perfectly illustrated by Flanners who scored plenty of goals last season coming up from defence - but has hardly got any this time around.

When Nick went off, Landry seemed to drop back which was interesting like it says. I know that Tommy O came on as well - but what with all the excitement of a second and then a third goal - I don't know who he replaced - was it Rudds? I do believe that Ahmet is worth a start. He looked good against Havant when a post denied him a goal - and against Moor Green he got a top quality goal and looked threatening enough to surely warrant a start. Probably at the expense of Rob who still can't score despite creating plenty of chances. Give Ahmet a start, George! And if we could play 12 a side, then give Joel a start too.

BEVIS FRACAS

Yeah - what about that then? Well - the lead up to it raised that old chestnut about just what constitutes obstruction. Before that - incidentally - Robinson should've have been pulled up and booked for shirt pulling (that's what got Flanners his second yellow on Tuesday, remember) but that moved quickly onto him "shepherding" the ball out of play with Joel's swinging arm just missing Robinson's face as frustration seemed to get the better of him. Joel was probably lucky not to get sent off as well.

Robinson was making absolutely f/a effort to play the ball - he was concentrating on keeping himself between that ball and Joel - and how the lawmakers don't see that as obstruction is beyond me. They're all at it - our lads do it as well - but why are they allowed to get away with it? How can that not be obstruction?

And how was Chinedy, the Moor Green sub, allowed to stay on the pitch, after his blatant shove on Joel and then, with Joel sprawled on the cinder surface of the old speedway track, trampling all over him? All this right in front of the linesman. It all makes very entertaining viewing on the video - and raises that issue again of what is and what is not obstruction.

FINALLY

Oh well - let the blood pressure sink back to dangerously high levels - watch it soar as we await midweek results and be in a state of utter trauma once again come 3.00 pm next Saturday. See ya at The Pilot Field.

SS

11/4/03

Midweek results

Monday
  • Hednesford 0 - 0 Crawley

Tuesday
  • Ilkeston 2 - 2 Chelmsford
15 Weymouth        37 45
16 Welling United  36 44
17 Hinckley United 37 43
18 Grantham Town   36 42
------------------------
19 Halesowen Town  37 41
20 Hastings United 36 38
21 Ilkeston Town   37 30
22 Folkestone Inv  37 24

12/4/03 Hastings United (1) 2 Chippenham Town (0) 1

RIGHT BACK IN THERE!

Burt 42, Simmonds 55
Att: 433


2-0 after 55 minutes (Click to enlarge)

Captian Burt for 1-0 (Click to enlarge)

Nice one Simmo! (Click to enlarge)

Simmo gets that crucial second (Click to enlarge)

Stuart Playford goes up for a corner (Click to enlarge)

United apply intense pressure (Click to enlarge)

Keep things in perspective - United are still in a massive relegation scrap with lots to do in the five games remaining of the season if they're to be still playing Premier Division football next August. But - a matter of a fortnight ago they looked virtually out for the count as 14 winless games propelled them inexorably down to the horrors of Eastern Division mediocrity. Amazing what a difference a week can make and following on from last Saturday's win over Moor Green, United made it two wins on the bounce for the first time since Kettering and Chelmsford were beaten in late October, early November and that coupled with Halesowen and Grantham losing sees the U's a single point away from that fifth bottom spot. Halesowen's 1-3 defeat at Welling saw United climb above them on goal difference and we have a game in hand. Grantham lost 2-3 at Bath by the way.

Chippenham are the only side of the promoted four to have made a consistent impact on the Premier Division and they arrived at The Pilot Field in second place and just six defeats all season. While two of the other three teams that came up have had their moments - us and Grantham (remember Grantham were top for a while!) - it's generally been a case of it all being a big struggle to adapt. But Chippenham have done bloody well and were it not for lots of drawn games they might well have been in with a chance of pipping Tamworth. And they showed why they've done so well in the first half of this game that saw them put United under the cosh for around 20 first half minutes.

King Dave - who's had his share of bloopers lately - was magnificent in goal and pulled off two excellent saves. The one in the first half was something else - a Scott Walker shot took a big deflection off Tony Burt and looked certain to creep in under the bar but the back pedalling King got a hand to the ball and tipped it onto the bar. Tremendous stuff. He also did well to deal with an awkward shot that bounced right in front of him as Chippenham dominated while Stuart Playford blocked an effort from Adie Mings who's given us plenty of problems in his previous spells at clubs like Gloucester City. Chippenham did seem to have left their shooting boots at home and several efforts were well wide of the mark.

United had their moments going forward. Ahmet Suleymanoglu - started the game (no Rob Collins who's packed his bags and left the club apparently!) and might've done better in the opening minute but he couldn't get on the end of a high bouncing ball. Macca - another fine game - saw a long range shot charged down while Nick Hegley, having beaten two defenders could only a manage a weak shot straight at the keeper who was to earn his crust later in the game. A penetrating Steve Yates run was ended by a crude challenge which rightly resulted in a yellow card - red cards have resulted in the past for challenges like that. Ahmet caused plenty of problems with his pace and really does look the part. If only we could've got him earlier in the season.

Having weathered the Chippenham storm, United went ahead on 42 minutes. A free kick was headed across the goal by Adam Flanagan and somehow the ball was cleared from under the angle of bar and post. A corner resulted which in turn resulted in another and there was Captain Burt - two games short of 500 appearances - bundling home Macca's kick.

The second half saw United really turn the screw and Chippenham had to defend frantically for a spell of around 10-15 minutes. Macca released Heggers into the area and Liam Bull pulled off a good save to his left with an outstretched leg. Bull's save to keep a long range Macca special out was on a par with Dave's first half effort - how he tipped a dipping effort over who knows. Flanners was denied by a goal line clearance from the resulting corner as United tried to get that important second. And it came on 55 minutes with Simmo starting it off in midfield - a fine crossfield pass to Heggers who set the ball back to Macca and there was Simmo finishing it off as he headed home Macca's cross. Great move - great goal - and Simmo's now scored in four games on the trot. And how a side fighting for it's life at the basement end can produce football like that sustained spell is beyond me.

Chippenham just seemed devoid of ideas after that second goal and were nothing like as incisive as they'd been in the first half. United continued to look likely to add to their tally - but in keeping with this nerve wracking part of the season, it all got very tense and underwear wrecking for the last 15 minutes or so as the referee let play continue after Landry had been tripped, the Chippenham 10, Charlie Griffin, was found in space and put in a good curling effort past Dave on 81 minutes. And Dave excelled himself on 87 minutes as he hung onto a well placed shot that would've probably beaten a shorter keeper. Five horrendous minutes of added time were played out before that final whistle went and Steve Yates's clenched fist wave to the covered end just about summed up the importance of this win.

Well played boys - and once again - what a mystery that a side that's been in the doldrums for so long can still play as well as they've done. The difference this last week is that they're getting deserved reward in the shape of points and not before time. Our lads were up against a decent side today - a side that wanted to finish as high as they could, a side that looked as good as any we've come across this season in that first half spell - and we deservedly came out on top. And a special mention to Dave who's had some iffy times of late in goal - we all know he's a top keeper and he confirmed that with those two great saves in this game. They were crucial.

Let's hope we carry all this forward to Chelmsford on Monday night. Those blood pressure levels won't have long to recover before it starts all over again.

THIS TIME - RESULTS DID GO OUR WAY

  • Bath City 3 v 2 Grantham Town
  • Hastings United 2 v 1 Chippenham Town
  • Hednesford Town 0 v 1 Weymouth
  • Ilkeston Town 3 v 2 Worcester City
  • Stafford Rangers 1 v 1 Chelmsford City
  • Welling United 3 v 1 Halesowen Town

Bottom eight @ 5.00 pm Saturday

  15 Chelmsford City   37 46
  16 Hednesford Town   37 45 (Away to Dover Mon)
  17 Hinckley United   37 43 (Home to Havant Tue)
  18 Grantham Town     37 42 (Home to Welling Tue)
  --------------------------
  19 Hastings United   37 41
  20 Halesowen Town    38 41 (Home to Grantham Sat)
  21 Ilkeston Town     38 33
  22 Folkestone Inv    37 24

FAREWELL ROB COLLINS

Well - we were warned. And, so I'm told, he packed his bag and walked out which probably confirms what those in the know at Horsham and Crawley had been saying all along about his mood swings, mental attitude etc etc. Perhaps if he'd put away some of those decent chances - two biggies at Grantham for a start - then who can tell.

But we do have Ahmet Suleymanoglu who certainly looks the part so it's shrug the shoulders and just keep battling away.

NICE ONE TAMWORTH

I've got no grudge against Havant & Waterlooville who must be gutted after losing their FA Trophy semifinal in extra time to Tamworth - but knowing Jase and Ginger up at The Lamb, I have to take my hat off to their boys who look well set to bring off a big double of Trophy and promotion in the next few weeks.

SS

14/4/03 Chelmsford City (1) 1 Hastings United (0) 0

JEKYLL AND HYDE U'S

 
Att: 504


Ahmet tries to set something up (Click to enlarge)

City defence waits for Yatesie (Click to enlarge)

Heggers on the attack (Click to enlarge)

Landry loses ball - 10 about to break away from the goal (Click to enlarge)

Possibly the worst penalty of the season (Click to enlarge)

Simmo never gave up (Click to enlarge)

When you find yourselves cheering the other side's cock ups - it's often because your own team's performance is bloody dire. And you're so in need of something - ANYTHING - to liven things up that that is what you have to resort to. And that's exactly what happened at Billericay's place on Monday night where Chelmsford currently groundshare. United had strung together a little run of four games unbeaten, picked up eight points to get themselves right back in with a chance of avoiding a quick return to the Eastern Division, played some tremendous stuff in beating Moor Green and Chippenham - and at a critical time of the season just had to come up with 90 minutes reminiscent of the Eastbourne Borough FA Trophy shambles. A fair number of U's supporters undertook the 150 mile round trip to Billericay and with the outward leg having surely been made in a fairly optimistic frame of mind, one can only assume the return leg was done in stunned silence.

United/Town hadn't lost to City in 12 encounters with the last defeat being New Years Day 1996 at The Pilot Field. Indeed, we have a record against them that is much like the record Crawley and Sittingbourne used to have against us - but on Monday evening there was never really any doubt as to the outcome after Dale Watkins put City 1-0 up on 14 minutes. United had found themselves under pressure on a sloping, bumpy pitch from the start and it came as little surprise when they went behind.

Landry Zahana-Oni, who spent the whole game moaning and generally not contributing, was muscled off the ball in midfield and Watkins was set free from half way and having outpaced Tony Burt slotted home from a difficult angle for a well taken goal. Landry - as stated in previous reports - just does not have the temperament for the kind of struggles United have had to contend with this season. Yeah - he had a good game against Chippenham - but that was a different type of game. At one stage - during a hold up - Dave King went right up to the half way line to talk animatedly to Landry - and it didn't appear to be an overly friendly exchange of views.

It'd be good to be able to list all the chances and half chances, the unlucky bounces, the lack of rubs of the green, the great goal keeping of the City keeper, appalling refereeing decisions (there were some but they didn't dictate the outcome of the game - and in any case went equally against both sides) and so on - but United's only real first half efforts efforts on goal came from Landry, Simmo and Macca - the first well blocked, the second at the keeper and the third out of the ground - plus a goal mouth scramble in the 89th minute which ended with a City defender poking the ball out for a corner - which may have been United's first of the game. And true to form, a clever corner routine was tried which saw the ball curl high over the cross bar.

In all fairness it was a horrendous game. City looked nothing special after they'd scored and Dave didn't have a lot to do after the goal other than a good save at the foot of a post early in the second half. City weren't exactly clear of the relegation zone themselves (they're pretty well safe now) - but once they'd got the goal they didn't really have many problems hanging onto their narrow lead. Apart from a decent five minute spell prior to half time of which the highlight was a long Steve Yates run - the U's just didn't look as if they'd ever make a breakthrough. One might whinge about the pitch - but that's the same for both teams and doesn't really hold any water.

Our biggest cheer was reserved for the 88th minute when City having been awarded a penalty after a Stuart Playford trip - then saw the ball disappear out of sight following, possibly, the worst hit spot kick of 02/03. That probably summed up the game - not that City cared. Though they did come close to regretting that miss when a free kick at the other end resulted in that scramble described earlier.

To everyone's amazement, George took Ahmet off after 64 minutes. Maybe he was injured - we don't know - but if it was for tactical purposes, it seemed bizzare that the ineffectual Zahana-Oni was left on. All three subs ended up coming on - Ellis looked lively in the few minutes he had - but nothing came of it and when that final whistle went at 9.35, United could have no complaints while City would've gone off knowing they had just about secured their Premier Division status. Their supporters wopuld've enjoyed putting one over on us too.

PROGRAMME RIP OFF

"You what" - I thought when I looked at the team line ups having handed over £1.50 for a programme. Amongst our subs were Dean Wordsworth and Stuart Myall - one long departed and the other long crocked. A look at the front showed that City were selling the programme dated 1st February (the original game had been postponed) with a sheet of paper inside making a crap job of updating something that was, er, two months out of date. To charge full whack for this glossy showed some front. Apparently Crawley did the same thing when we were at Broadfield in January - though, to be fair - they did only charge a quid.

You have to appreciate the difficulties of getting programmes out that are up to date - especially for a Monday night kick off - but to sell at full price something that's two months old is taking the piss. Our effort at The Pilot Field might not be printed on glossy paper, but because we print it in house on United's own reprographic gear, it's bang up to date 99% of the time - we certainly hope to have all the weekend stats etc etc in the Crawley programme for Bank Holiday Monday - and at a pound, it's bloody good value. All in massive contrast to Monday night.

OTHER RESULTS (TURN AWAY IF YOU YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW)

Well, you must know. I deliberately left this report a day longer while waiting to see whether Welling and Havant might do us big favours on Tuesday night. Yeah right. Three games were played over Monday and Tuesday in which we would've had more than a passing interest.

  • Dover 1 - 0 Hednesford
  • Grantham 3 - 1 Welling
  • Hinckley 2 - 1 Havant & Waterlooville

The bottom eight now makes depressing reading once again:-

  15 Havant & W'ville  35 46 (Tiverton home Sat)
  16 Hinckley United   38 46 (Hednesford home Sat)
  17 Hednesford Town   38 45      
  18 Grantham Town     38 45 (Halesowen away Sat)
  --------------------------
  19 Hastings United   38 41 (Folkestone away Saturday)
  20 Halesowen Town    38 41 
  21 Ilkeston Town     38 33 (99% relegated - goal dif -38)
  22 Folkestone Inv    37 24 R

Now then - ideally, Tiverton win, Hinckley beat Hednesford, Halesowen beat Grantham and we win at Folkestone. Whatever - we might well know what our fate is by 5.00 Monday after the Crawley game. One thing for sure - it's looking down both barrels if we lose at Folkestone. If we win and other results go our way then we're back to where we were after the Chippenham game with two to play.

But Monday night's result put us feet deep back in the mire after all the good work against Moor Green and Chippenham. Frustrating or what? Folkestone on Saturday - difficult to predict anything about that one. We have to win - that much is certain - but will Folkestone play out of their skins now that the pressure's off them, they're already relegated and can relax whereas we'll surely be full of tension. And surely - we can't be as bad as we were on Monday night - surely not. Can we?

Be there!

THE SAYINGS OF GARY BOWYER

Piss taking at the Stains's expense is unwise given our own horrendous predicament. But there was a great little piece in last weekend's Sports Argus in which the Hassocks manager said he was pulling his side out of the County Bumpkinship as there was no point in being in it next season as the Stains were clearly going to run away with the league. That tongue in cheek dig comes after all that stuff that Bowyer has come out with about the massive club that the Stains are - some recent attendances:- 78, 52 and 95 - and winning the Bumpkinship hands down.

Whatever - as stated before - football in Hastings is collectively doing very little to attract the 99% uninterested proportion of the local populace right now.

APOLOGIES

For the quality of the match pics. The floodlights at Billericay might be the reason - or sheer incompetence on my part might play a part - but the photos from the stills camera were 90% shite and 95% blurred so I've had to rely on stills from the video camera which are of a much lower resolution and as a result don't come out too well - and that was even more the case on Monday night. Blame it on Billericay's shite lights............

SS

19/4/03 Folkestone Inv (0) 1 Hastings United (0) 0

ON THE BRINK


Att: 401


500th appearance for Tony Burt (Click to enlarge)

A windy, bleak day at Cheriton Road (Click to enlarge)

Injury time blow at Folkestone (Click to enlarge)

Landry tries to get clear (Click to enlarge)

Mo Munden - one of the best (Click to enlarge)

Mo Munden first to the ball as U's flounder in front of goal (Click to enlarge)

United under pressure (Click to enlarge)

Defeat at home to Crawley on the Bank Holiday may well seal United's fate after this dismal result at Cheriton Road on a freezing windy afternoon with conditions making decent football virtually impossible for both sides. A bumpy, rutted pitch didn't help matters either as United went down to a 90th minute penalty after having largely dominated a second half of increasing tension and frustration for the reasonable number of U's supporters who made their way along the Kent coast for this one. The U's failure to score against already relegated Invicta who'd conceded 91 goals this season nicely encapsulates a major failing as the grim realities of the Eastern Division loom ever larger. This was also the first double the Kent outfit had managed all season.

George Wakeling's tactics have left supporters frustrated this season. And tongues were soon wagging when it became apparent he'd decided to start with Chris Honey and Ellis Remy up front - a combination that's been tried unsuccessfully any number of times - and once again failed to produce the goods. United were without Adam Flanagan (suspended - and the same applies for the Crawley game) while Steve Yates - a little hard to believe given our horrendous situation - was unavailable as he was at a wedding. Give Monster his due - he worked hard as always but when it came to attempts on goal - one was way over and the other weakly hit straight at Mo Munden. Ellis did very little and generally floundered other than one good bit of play when he got away down the right in the second half only for the resulting cross to be underhit. On the bench - Joel Bevis, Ahmet Suleymanoglu and - summing up that lack of strength in depth from day one - from the reserves, James Simms and Jimmy Penfold. Tommy O deputised for Flanners while the versatile Danny Simmonds covered for Yatesie. Surely Joel and Ahmet are better prospects up front than Chris and Ellis, though?

Yes - conditions were awful for both sides. Both keepers had trouble keeping goal kicks on the pitch and there was very little in the way of good football. United did start reasonably well and Mo Munden was soon busy punching out a Macca free kick with Landry's resulting shot being blocked. Folkestone were to show they were up for this game despite their horrendous season and Dave had to pull off three good saves in the first half with the second one being particularly good as he beat out a shot from Martin Chandler. At the other end, United put together a fine move down the right flank that resulted in a Landry turn and shot that Munden couldn't hang onto - but there was nobody on hand to convert the rebound. United should've had a penalty on 42 minutes when a blatant piece of shirt pulling on Ellis in the area went missed and unpunished by a referee who seemed far more interested in dealing with bad language.

The second half saw United trying hard to break the deadlock. Plenty of half chances but none were put away. A Hegley cross was inches away from Paul Ruddy who ended up in the goal in his attempt to get his head to the ball. On the odd occasion Invicta threatened, good defending by Simmo tidied things up and Dave was on hand to clear up anything the home side offered. A hanging Heggers cross caused Munden problems under the crossbar and his weak punch fell to Landry who's volley was somehow booted off the line by the home 6. Rudds and Macca both fired well over from the edge of the box as it got more frenetic. Landry had yet another shot blocked and cleared and put another effort just over as he was set up by Joel Bevis who'd replaced the ineffective Remy. United supporters clamoured for a couple of penalties but what were thought to be handballs, er, weren't as the video confirmed. Chest and shoulder - but no hands.

Ahmet came on for Chris Honey - and it has to be said he didn't do a lot apart from sky a shot over - that was after Landry's third goal bound effort had been beaten out. United's last decent effort on goal saw Macca try from way out and he wasn't far off target - but it was yet another shot that was too high. And with the game into injury time and United pressing hard - Folkestone broke out of defence and Stuart Playford conceded his second penalty of the week which Chandler converted - just. Dave so nearly got his hand to it.

Minutes later the final whistle went - Folkestone celebrated and United supporters were left contemplating the ever higher likeliehood of joining Invicta in the Eastern Division that they worked their socks off to get out of just under a year ago.

"RESIGN!"

You had to laugh. As the penalty was put away the shout of "Resign" was heard from a frustrated United supporter - presumably directed at George. That was followed by an even better one - "Sack the Board!".

Well, bollocks to it - we need a laugh though one does suspect that those two comments were quite likely tinged with sincerity as the frustrations of an appalling second half of 02/03 understandably build up.

THE GAP REMAINS THE SAME

Just about the only consolation was the news that other results might've actually gone a lot worse for us. We're still four points adrift with three games to play and those are against two decent sides in the shape of Crawley and Stafford who we've been to and gotten draws with the one in the middle being at Weymouth next Saturday - a Terras outfit that is virtually clear of trouble. We do seem to have played better against higher ranked sides this season - and these two latest performances on the back of that great display against Chippenham surely illustrate that! The points we've dropped against other struggling outfits - absolutely unbelievable. And while we got increasingly pissed off at not breaking the deadlock against Folkestone - the point we might've gotten - and we were easily worth a point - might well prove to be a point badly missed. We were also robbed of a first clean sheet in 28 games! Referee Harrison missing that shirt pull could be costly.

Anyway - Saturday's results - Halesowen went back above us after beating Grantham 1-0 while Hinckley lost by the same score at home to Hednesford who are now clawing their way out of the mire. Right now it's Halesowen, Grantham and Hinckley we have to concentrate on as a look at the bottom eight shows:-

  15 Havant & W'ville  35 46 (Tiverton home Sat)
  15 Hednesford Town   39 48
  16 Welling United    38 47 (home Cambridge, Mon)
  17 Hinckley United   39 46 (away to Grantham)
  18 Grantham Town     39 45
  --------------------------
  19 Halesowen Town    39 44 (away to Newport County) 
  20 Hastings United   39 41
  21 Ilkeston Town     39 33 R
  22 Folkestone Inv    38 27 R

Ilkeston lost 2-5 at home to Stafford and are confirmed as relegated. We are inevitably hot favourites to join them and Folkestone and as stated a bit earlier, losing to Crawley might well be all that it takes. But if we can reproduce the Moor Green and Chippenham results and the good form of those two games over the next fortnight - then who knows. But it's a big ask.

ALL THE BEST MO

Absolutely. Just about the only plus of Saturday was coming across our old mate and verbal sparring partner, Mo Munden. We've exchanged insults, points of view, hand gestures and laughs at many venues with Mo - Dover, Ashford, Fisher and now Folkestone - and probably others. We thought we'd seen the last of him at Fisher last season where I'll never forget that image of him on the deck discussing the own goal off a defender that won us a vital promotion game at the Surrey Docks Stadium. Mo's been around 20 odd years and was supposed to have retired* at the end of last season but came back to help Dover out this season and then ended up at Cheriton Road. Truly one of the great characters of the semi pro game and if he does intend to really call it a day, then I take my hat off to him - as do plenty of other United followers.

Yeah - all the best Mo. Top bloke - and quite a few U's supporters took time to give him a wave after the final whistle - despite all the depression of yesterday's result.

* When pressed on his retirement, he was adamant that he was in fact retired now, and that Neil Cugley (the Folkestone manager) had only asked him to play a couple of games as cover. In fact that was his 25th this season - KH

MARATHON MEN

And hats off to Dave Moore and Robin Powell who walked the best part of 40 miles from Hastings to Folkestone to raise funds for the Wood End Stand appeal. Understandably, neither were to be seen behind the goal at Cheriton Road as they were taking a deserved rest in the seated accomodation. Be assured though, we could hear you, Robin!

If you didn't get collared to sponsor Dave and Robin, then don't worry. No reason at all why you can't pop into the club shop on Monday and make a belated contribution to a good cause.

SS

PS well done to Tamworth who took the championship with their win at Cambridge. KH

21/4/03 Hastings United (0) 0 Crawley Town (0) 0

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS


Att: 491


Another attack comes to nothing (Click to enlarge)

Fruitless for Simmo (Click to enlarge)

Handbags at two paces (Click to enlarge)

Landry waits for the ball late in the game (Click to enlarge)

Second half corner (Click to enlarge)

Stuart Playford on a foray forward (Click to enlarge)

United are still in there - just - with a chance of retaining their Premier status. But, realistically, let's face it - Eastern Division football is almost a certainty next August and we 'll spend the Summer re-aquainting ourselves with directions to the delights of Burnham, Corby and Fleet - to name but three.

We went into this Bank Holiday fixture with Crawley knowing exactly what we had to do - win this game, win the next two and over the same period hope to **** that the likes of Halesowen, Grantham and Hinckley slip up. And for all that - the first half of this game was unbelievable for the lack of urgency - it was like watching two midtable sides playing out a meaningless end of season game. Meaningless to Crawley maybe - but looking at what we were playing for - that first 45 minutes of sheer mediocrity took some beating.The only improvement on the Cheriton Road shambles on Saturday was that it was a pleasantly warm afternoon.

George Wakeling's tactics took some believing once again as he elected to start with Ellis Remy up front. Yatesie was back in at 2 which saw Simmo pushed up front with Ellis. On the bench were Joel Bevis, Chris Honey, Ahmet Suleymanoglu, James Sims and Jamie Penfold.

What a turgid first half. Anticipated waves of United pressure just didn't materialise and what action there was came in fits and starts. Stuart Playford went close with a header just over the bar on 7 minutes - that from a Macca cross. Macca had a decent game in midfield and was to be at the heart of much of what United did manage to create. Soon after Stuart's effort, a Crawley free kick was inches over Dave's crossbar - but he looked to have it covered. Crawley's best first half opportunities were to fall to Nigel Brake who should've done better on 35 minutes when he sliced wide of the post when clear on goal. At the other end a Macca long range effort skidded through the Crawley box with nobody able to get a boot on it. The half ended with United seemingly aware all of a sudden just what hinged on this game and when Crawley half cleared a Landry cross, the ball fell to an unmarked Paul Ruddy who's first time effort was well saved by Andy Little down to his left. And just as half time loomed a Macca chip was wide and over.

Frustrated supporters had seen Ellis lumber around ineffectively in the first half - the second half seemed to confirm to many that George's faith in him was misplaced to say the least. With two better players on the bench doing naff all - Bevis and Suleymanoglu - Ellis stayed on till around the 75th minute. By then he'd managed to blow just about the chance of the game when a tremendous Macca run and diagonal pass found him unmarked in the area and with two options open to him he tried to shoot past Little when a header looked a much better bet given the height of the ball - the resulting effort was weakly hit straight into Little's hands. Supporters had been clamouring well before that for George to replace him but they had to wait a little longer - and in that time he rounded a defender - was clear into the box and scuffed his cross over the bar. As said on this site a couple of million times - Ellis can be very talented on his day - as illustrated by his brilliant individual goal at Welling - but he has no place in a side that's in the desperate straits that United have been in for so long. It is asking too much of a temperamental, raw 19 year old. Perhaps those who used to moan at Paul Jones will now realise just what we lost when he ended up at Welling.

Crawley didn't threaten a lot in that second half which started off with the news that Grantham were a goal down at home to Hinckley. United were to huff and puff - it was all a bit more intense than that desperately disappointing first half but your correspondent's hopes that they would be able to turn it on against one of the division's better sides just weren't to materialise. Dave did well on 70 minutes when he had to be quick off his line to snuff out a threat set up by Danny Hockton who was Crawley's best player. Otherwise it was to be United constantly breaking down as they approached the Crawley area.

Simmo went down in the box after a clash with the Crawley left back - I have to say I didn't think it was a penalty as Simmo had himself gone in with his foot high and it looked like six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Handbags at two paces on 78 minutes - bit like the Moor Green fracas. Ahmet was adjudged by the linesman to have fouled Marc Pullan - it looked like a good old fashioned shoulder barge and things like that have been let go on plenty of occasions - but no - up went the flag. Yatesie and Pullan collided as Yatesie - understandably pissed off at the raised flag went to discuss the decision with the linesman - Pullan took exception and shoved Yatesie - blah, blah, blah. It took the referee a good three minutes to sort out the mess which resulted in a yellow card for Pullan.

If Ellis had blown a good chance - Simmo was to be denied on 90 minutes when a Landry shot was half cleared to him and only the quick reactions of Little on the edge of the 6 yard box stopped Simmo from scoring what looked a certain winner. Not so much a blown chance - simply bloody good goal keeping. And a couple of minutes later it was all over with United having actually managed their first clean sheet in 29 games - but we all knew a single point wasn't enough.

To think that we seemed to have pulled ourselves right back into it just over a week ago. And to think that after our previous clean sheet at Chippenham (back in November), we were 6th in the division.

THE GAP REMAINS THE SAME - TWO GAMES LEFT

Oh joy - got home, got CEEFAX up and there was the great news that Grantham had beaten Hinckley 2-1 while Halesowen had drawn 1-1 at Newport County. We can now get 48 points if we win our remaining two games - so here's the bottom six after the Bank Holiday games.

Grantham Town    40 48
Hinckley United  40 46
----------------------
Halesowen Town   40 45
Hastings United  40 42
Ilkeston Town    40 34
Folkestone Inv   38 27

Saturday sees us off to Weymouth who are just about safe now. Grantham can only be caught if they lose their two games - they are away to Worcester on Saturday and finish up with a home game against Moor Green. Hinckley are away to Tiverton on Saturday and their last game is at home to Cambridge City. They only need to win one and we can't catch them. Halesowen are at Folkestone on Saturday and wrap their season up at home to Chippenham. It's Hinckley and Halesowen we need to overtake and while we're not quite into the desperate realms of saying "It's mathematically possible" - we ain't far from it. Lose at Weymouth - and relegation is confirmed. Win there - and we could still go down.

Get your Eastern Division guide out - you'll need it. Last season saw Hastings Town seal promotion on the penultimate day of the season - this season, the same day could see Hastings United book a speedy return.

501 APPEARANCES FOR BURTY

I remember taking the mick out of Tony when he went up to Fort Fun several years ago when Hastings Town had no money and the Stains had loads of it. I remember thinking he was of limited use in the Premier Division when we went up at the end of 91/92 - and I remember thinking he wouldn't be much use to us when he returned to Town after helping Garry Wilson get Eastbourne out of the Bumpkinship.

Today was his 501st game as a Town, United player and I - wrong on all counts - happily eat my words. He skippered us to a memorable championship last season - finished that game at Wisbech with a bandaged head - and has been the traditional rock in the centre of our defence in the current, traumatic campaign. Rumours abound that he's calling it a day at the end of the season - indeed we were surprised he started this season in United colours.

Whatever you do Burty, you've been magnificent and I'm gorging myself on humble pie.

SS

26/4/03 Weymouth (1) 1 Hastings United (0) 1

DOWN

Hegley 89
Att: 690


Ellis Remy up for a cross (Click to enlarge)

Heggers's late goal too little too late (Click to enlarge)

Landry closely watched (Click to enlarge)

Landry lets fly from long range (Click to enlarge)

Macca corner flies across goal mouth (Click to enlarge)

United wall breached, Weymouth 1-0 up (Click to enlarge)

That's it, then. What had been on the cards for several months - with a mini revival in recent weeks to revive hopes of retaining our Premier Division status - finally became reality at The Wessex Stadium yesterday where, even had United won a poor, tension ridden game, that wouldn't have been enough because Hinckley were winning 2-0 at Tiverton. Nick Hegley's 89th minute equaliser gave United a deserved share of the points on the day - but over the length of a long season, their overall tally has ended up well short of what was needed and we will duly return to the delights of Eastern Division football next season. Uncanny in a way - the penultimate game of 01/02 saw us clinch promotion and the penultimate game of 02/03 saw us relegated.

George Wakeling - having waxed lyrical about Ellis Remy in Friday's Observer - probably surprised none of the hardy, resigned bunch of U's supporters who made their way 163 miles down to the excellent Wessex Stadium - by electing to start with Remy once again. Tommy O wore 5 as Tony Burt, carrying an injury, sat the game out on the bench along with Chris Honey, Joel Bevis, Ahmet Suleymanoglu and James Sims. Referee, by the way, Martin Ebbage who did our home games with Hendon (hard to believe that was in the same season) and Worcester - and as with those two games, he showed that he's probably the best ref we've seen this season.

United started off pretty well. Nick Hegley was found in space on the left and breaking into the area he fired in a cross that nobody could get on the end of - it flew across the goal mouth and out for a throw in the other side. Heggers had a great chance to give United an early lead when he was picked out by a Steve Yates pass - but seemingly with time to control and pick his spot - he hit it first time - wide and well over. Ellis broke clear to the byline and having done well to keep the ball in play, promptly overhit the resulting cross.

Weymouth then started to apply some pressure themselves and an overhead shot landed in the roof of King Dave's net. A succession of corners followed all of which United dealt with but then Dave was penalised for handball outside the area when punching out a cross. The free kick that followed was hit low and hard by the home 2 straight through the wall and under Dave to give Weymouth the lead on 19 minutes.

United pressed for an equaliser - though it has to be said they looked like a side resigned to relegation - perhaps not as bad as the Crawley game, but there just wasn't the urgency that you'd expect from a team battling the drop. Half chances certainly - a Macca corner curled across the goalmouth and out for a goal kick - Landry Zahana-Oni hit a long ranger straight at the keeper and Yatesie went on of those runs but just as supporters were expecting him to shoot from the edge of the area he turned in and unsuccessfully tried to beat three defenders with the half finishing as it had started as Heggers fired in another cross that nobody could convert.

Weymouth should've doubled their lead early in the second half but their unmarked 7 shot miles over when well placed - and another edge of the box free kick resulted in a curling effort round Dave's post. Macca had gone in with both feet to concede that free kick and was lucky not to get a red card. We already knew Hinckley were 1-0 up at Tiverton and that Halesowen were 1-2 down at Folkestone - but were still frustrated that nothing came of Yatesie's chance on 62 minutes when having been set up by a good Simmo pass, his shot was well blocked by the home keeper.

Soon after a Weymouth cross had shot through the United 6 yard box, the best chance of the game fell to Landry on 67 minutes. A good combo between Heggers and Simmo saw a cross land at the feet of the unmarked Zahana-Oni who in true mercurial (they do say Frenchmen are mercurial) fashion flicked a golden opportunity over the bar - rather like his miss at Crawley.

The game degenerated into a succession of misplaced passes and generally grim viewing after that as both sides contrived to give the ball away time and time again. United made three substitutions - on came Bevis, Honey and Suleymanoglu and it was Monster who set up the equaliser in the 89th minute with an accurate cross that the unmarked Heggers headed home from a couple of yards.

Weymouth thought they'd got an even later winner but an offside flag cancelled that one out. And after 6 minutes added time it was all over - and so was our membership of the DM Premier with one meaningless game against Stafford to come next Saturday. I suspect there'll be a more lively atmosphere at the top of Elphinstone Road (the crematorium is located there for the benefit of non Hastings people).

THREE DOWN - ONE TO GO

Not that many of you will give a shit - but basically it's Halesowen and Grantham who will be going to the last day of the season to preserve their Premier places. Grantham left it to the last day of last season to seal promotion with us and will be desperate not to copy us - up on the penultimate day followed by down on the penultimate day. I certainly don't give a f*ck which one of them comes down with us, Ilkeston and Folkestone - but if I had to make a choice I'd hope Halesowen blew out following two unpleasant visits to Grantham's South Kesteven in successive seasons. I have no wish to go there again. Grantham are at home to Moor Green while Halesowen are also home - they take on Chippenham. Grantham have the - on paper - easier task and a draw would probably be enough unless Halesowen with their slightly inferior goal difference win by more than three goals.

Whatever - the gap in standard between Eastern/Western and Premier is there for all to see once again (Last three Eastern Division champions have all been relegated after one season) - we've gone straight back down and two of the other sides that came up with us will be soiling their respective boxer shorts come 3.00 pm next Saturday.

Here's the bottom seven - Hinckley and Cambridge are 99% safe with far better goal differences:-

Cambridge City   41 49  (- 1)
Hinckley United  41 49  (- 4)
Grantham Town    41 48  (-10)
----------------------       
Halesowen Town   41 46  (-12)
Hastings United  41 43  R    
Ilkeston Town    41 37  R    
Folkestone Inv   40 28  R    

Hinckley play Cambridge next Saturday - hmmm, remember that West Germany-Austria World Cup game a few years ago that conveniently finished all square.......

POST MORTEMS STARTING ALREADY

We had plenty of time to mull over a truly Jekyll and Hyde season on our way home Saturday evening. And on Sunday while doing the shopping and all that other bollocks that you never have time to do because you're at football on Saturday - I bumped into Stuart, a Tonbridge following aquaintance who duly commiserated (which I'm sure will be in stark contrast to some other comments that have no doubt already appeared on the various websites etc etc etc) and then a little later had a long chat with Andy who'd not been able to make the game at Weymouth.

It's not too early to start dissecting the season and that was duly done in Sussex Stationers and later in Safeways. Not signing decent standard players when we came up was discussed along with some of George Wakeling's tactics and player choices. Valid, crucially valid, all of them. Could Scott Ramsay have come to Hastings last Summer - the same Ramsay who's goals have propelled Eastbourne Borough up into the Premier in our place - and how bloody hard is that to stomach? He'd played a decent standard of football and there's talk of Brentford being interested in him to the extent that Borough might well make enough money out of that transaction - if it goes through - to finance the signings that they know they'll have to make if they're to avoid our fate. Garry Wilson knows the DM Premier from his Hastings Town days - he knows what to expect. There are maybe half a dozen decent sides in the Eastern Division - in the Premier you are hard pressed to find that many below average sides. Ramsay was looking for a club last Summer - I think his old man watches football at The Pilot Field - what did Eastbourne offer him that we couldn't? We'll never know what he might've done in United colours - but I'll bet he'd have been a better option than what we ended up with.

Look at the players we signed last season - Dave King, Adam Flanagan, Lee McRobert, Martin Eldridge, Nick Hegley, Landry Zahana-Oni and Steve Restarick. And look at we started off with this season - we signed Ellis Remy having lost Paul Jones, McRobert, Eldridge and Restarick. I'll say it till I'm blue in the face - a 19 year old who does make a big impact in the DM Premier has to be an exceptional player and you'll never hang onto him cos someone from a higher level will come in for him. Ellis - promising, but raw, temperamental and injury prone with it - hasn't made a big impact - he's never been anything like a one for one replacement for Jonah. The season doesn't revolve around that tremendous individual goal he got at Welling - you only have to look at where we've finished to see that. Not - NOT - that it's all down to Ellis - he's not to blame for us going down. Of course he's not.

The squad that kicked off at a far higher level last August was weaker than the one that celebrated promotion at Wisbech the previous April. That didn't help. If budgetary restrictions were to play a large part in matters - why not move players on that - having been given a chance to show they could do the business at Premier level - clearly weren't up to it? While the honeymoon - FA Cup 1st Round, up to 6th in the table, two defeats in 17 - was lasting, it didn't matter that the squad was small and included several players who were struggling to make an impression - but when it all ended after that Stevenage game and we were losing eight on the trot - why, then, weren't moves made to beef up the squad to at least the extent that if we were to have a small squad then it would consist 100% of players who could make an impression. Expecting reserves to make a massive step up from Kent League Div 2 to DM Premier was a huge ask - and only James Body looked anything like up to it. And look at the times when at least one if not two subs were being asked to do just that.

The midfield took a real bashing for much of the season. Losing Stuart Myall in October was a huge blow. Mylie is one of the best passers we've got - he looks after that part of the park for 90 minutes, he can hit shots in from all over the place and what about that long throw? Macca - just how many games did he bar himself from with his numerous suspensions? We all know what Duncan can do when it comes to football - but that dark side haunted him and he probably only got just half the games in that he might've done. He is our best player - losing him and Stuart given the shallowness of the squad made life very difficult. Combine that with a front line that generally fired blanks all season - our 44 goals "for" (after the Weymouth game) is better than Dover's tally - and no-one else's - and you're in trouble - and back where you came from. As someone very validly pointed out at Weymouth - we've created plenty of chances but nobody's put them away. Kin spot on.

The defence has worked it's collective bollocks off and statistically compared to everyone else in the Premier has done fine bearing in mind it's the same defence that got us up. Look at Flanners though - the number of goals he got last season - he hasn't been able to get up front anything like that this season - he's had more than enough to do dealing with those far more threatening forward lines. I was originally going to vote for Dave King as player of the season - he's been tremendous in goal - but in the end opted for Stuart Playford who's 150% commitment was never better illustrated than his comeback at least two weeks early from an appendectomy in mid season. That combined with the other knocks - he's been seen on crutches midweek as his knee recovers from the Saturday afternoon excesses - made me go for our "George". Top bloke and I hope to Christ he's still with us next August.

Why - WHY - has Nick Hegley been asked to a defensive job as left wing back? People - some from outside the club who'd known Nick elsewhere - commented on that throughout the season. Even George Wakeling said he'd been thinking like a forward when Tamworth got their late winner at The Pilot Field in September - and that begged the question - "Why ask him to a defensive job. George?". I think Heggers's natural attacking game suffered badly as a result of that role he was aked to play. George admitted at the Fans Forum that it was more a case of fitting players into his way of doing things than adjusting his way of doing things to fit round the players he had than anything else - and through no fault of his own, Nick ended up a square peg in a round hole.

HARD TO TAKE

Well - on the assumption that off pitch factors - who knows, Eastbourne's ground may be too posh for the Premier and promotion is denied them etc etc etc - don't come to our rescue and we find ourselves back on the Eastern Front again next season - be prepared for severe piss taking at Tonbridge and Sittingbourne while the websites will be alive with the sounds of cyber laughter at our expense. That grumpy old Stains supporter who said "You'll come straight back down" after the win at Fort Fun last season will also be having a cackle at our demise as will True Blue or whatever his name was who used to put various guff on the website. Take it on the chin, folks. That pit in the stomach feeling will eventually fade away and just remember - things in the world of semi pro football have a habit of turning around very quickly and, once again, we'll be in a position to have a laugh at someone else's expense.

But right now - it is hard to take. Perhaps we should start up a relegatee's counselling service to help get the likes of us, Nuneaton (remember their romp to the Premier title just four years ago?), Southport, Kettering, Ilkeston and Folkestone through the coming months.

See you on Saturday for the final rites.

SS